Scary Movies

I want to scream at the world.

There is an internal instinct that doesn’t seem to listen to reason. When we watch scary movies we want to yell at the actors, “don’t go in there!” We have this urge to do something that will impact the inevitable outcome. It doesnt change anything though. The background music becomes more intense. The actor will slowly creep down the old creaky stairs into the dark basement with a flashlight that has a faulty bulb and nearly dead batteries. All to confront whatever evil is lurking below. We know they shouldn’t go. We know they are not prepared to deal with the approaching horror. Yet they go anyway. And we, knowing we cannot impact their fate, shout at the screen anyway.
I want to yell and shout. I know we are not fully prepared for this journey. I dont want to confront what lies ahead in the darkness. I want to change the inevitable outcome. I recognize the futility. Yet here I sit with a desire to scream just the same.

Dad walked down that old creaky staircase yesterday. Back into the dark basement of the hospital; well he is actually on the fifth floor but I needed to tie into the analogy…

Dad was last at home the morning of Christmas eve. He spent a couple months in the hospital, had a lung removed, has been to a physical therapy facility, back to the hospital, back to the facility, and today he is back at the hospital once more. 68 days away from home so far, consecutively. The light at the end of this tunnel seems to all but eclipse at times. Though we still see light, it’s hard to grasp the exact distance left in this tunnel.

Over the last week, despite being at a truly amazing physical therapy and rehabilitation facility, Health South, Dad has been struggling. Energy levels were declining instead of increasing. He wasn’t continuing to gain weight or strength despite 3 hours of physical therapy daily and an unrestricted diet. Then he began to run fevers. Ultimately this lead to blood draws, cultures, ultrasounds, x-rays, and a CT scan. They found empyema, a type of fluid, around his lung.

Since our lungs expand and contract over and over, our natural human anatomy has a built in thin fluid filled space surrounding our lungs called the pleural cavity. This fluid is contained between membranes and prevents constant irritation and friction as our lungs expand and contract alongside more firm and stable structures like our ribs. When an accumulation of thick pus like fluid accumulates in this pleural space, it is referred to as empyema. This can be caused by bacteria related to pneumonia, complication from lung surgery, contamination of the pleural cavity from a thoracentesis or chest tube – each of which applies to Dads recent medical history. 

As a result of Dads recent symptoms and the persistent empyema, Dad is the ‘proud’ recipient of a new chest tube. His group of doctors all consulted and decided that this excess fluid needs to be drained off and tested as an initial step in determining what is causing fevers and elevated white blood cell count despite other ongoing medications and interventions over the last couple of months. They also transfused Dad with some blood to bring up his very low hemoglobin levels, which should provide increased energy. We still need to determine why that keeps happening as well. The tremors have significantly reduced and he can hold a cup of water now. So – things appear to be going okay for another trip to the ER.

 Things being what they are and out of our control, we started talking birthdays last night. In one month, on April 2nd, Dad will be turning 57 years old! We started planning what he wants to do, because come hell or high water Dad will be home for his birthday. I will throw him on my shoulders and run out of the hospital AMA if required! He is excited about the idea (birthday at home, not being slung over my shoulders…) and it gave us some great positivity and laughter.

Thanks to all those who stop by or send their love in other ways. Providing Dad a positive push, encouraging and reinforcing the level of dedication and hard work he is going to put forth to get home soon, and balancing all this without overwhelming him is priceless!  

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as well – I truly believe he has been able to persevere as a result.

More updates to come.

With hope and love,

Richard