A new view

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12

We moved to a new room at the hospital today. There was no cheese at the end, but I am certain we were in an oversized maze designed for rats and mice. Fortunately we were led by someone with an internal GPS and now have a full wall window with a view of the courtyard! It is beautiful.

The move was rough today and Dad seemed to be in more physical and mental pain than yesterday. While the physical pain is resolved with a few cc’s of magic juice given iv, the mental weight of the entire situation is heavy indeed. Dad spent time today discussing his love for others and his genuine appreciation of the love and kindness he has been witness to. This discussion was profound and moving enough (to me at least) that I secretly recorded some of it. I wont link the audio file here, but if you are reading this there is a good chance he said some nice things about you specifically.

Dad encouraged us to give kindness to others more regularly, and to do so with genuine love in our hearts. He also spoke about maintaining a balance between planning for the future, learning from the past, and actually living in the moment!

Tomorrow morning Dad has surgery scheduled at 9am. This is when a port will be placed, and what is technically an ileostomy but keeps being referred to as a colonoscopy – will also likely be placed. We were all very excited when Dad had a bowel movement today – I felt like I did when my kids first learned to use a toilet! Unfortunately, one bowel movement is not reliable enough to begin chemotherapy with and retain any confidence that another obstruction wont happen. So, the doctor will make one final evaluation in the morning and then a final decision (my money is on the ileostomy happening.)

While it has only been a week in the hospital, the pain meds are beginning to blur the lines of reality from time to time. Dad has been very lucid, but has also had some very confused moments. Tonight he asked me several different times where we were and why we were there. I explained to him the hard reality of the situation, and struggled as to whether I should be trying to convince him of the severity of it all – perhaps a moment of ignorance would be a moment of bliss for him. Sharing this news with him was hard; perhaps the most emotional experience I have had on this journey so far.

In another tremendous bout of lucid advice and philosophy, Dad was full of optimism and fight. He said, this is not over until it’s over. He was talking about another decade being possible and that he could do it. Dad has always told us boys to work hard and to be passionate about our pursuits in life. He said if we did this, we would always be successful. These words of wisdom are coming full circle now – I know that if Dad keeps the mentality he had today and works hard to fulfill his passion about another decade of beautiful moments strung together with hope and love; he will surely be successful.

Please keep praying and loving and believing. What started as a way to keep people up to date with a few emails has turned into this ever evolving blog. Beyond family and faith, Dad finds hope and strength from the comments and sheer number of followers on this site. As new comments pop up, we read them to him. As business minded as he is, he also asks about the number of views compared to new users etc… 😉  In a similar, less business way, Mom has also taken great joy in the comments others have left. If you find the time to share this with a friend that knows Mom or Dad, or the time to comment and share some love to further support these two amazing people, it would be greatly appreciated.

Above all, keep faith, share kindness, give love, and enjoy the moments of life.

Hope and love,

Richard