Peanut Butter & Jelly. Soul food. Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but certainly for me it is. PB&J was the go-to growing up. It’s that perfect “I’m hungry Now” kind of snack. It makes you feel good and satisfied, especially when topped off with a glass of milk! Every time I can think of where I had some version of a PB&J it was a good experience. Open face on toasted english muffins, inside a warmed up tortilla, toasted bread, soft bread, quartered, triangled, whole. Whats funny is each of those descriptions reminds me of when and who I had that unique version of a PB&J with. Tonight I had a single slice of bread open face with regular peanut butter, strawberry preserves, and a short glass of milk. I do believe it is the single most meaningful PB&J I have ever had. You all knew I was going to lead up to a point where I described the emotional bonding and love shared between a father and son over a PB&J late at night – which is absolutely on point – but the significance of Dad consuming 450 calories of a snack based on his own desire, in the middle of a Peg tube drip feeding, is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
Despite having what I feel were among the highest expectations of Dads ability to recover quickly at home, I am surprised daily. Even Dad was concerned after his first day home and we had a full conversation about whether this was going to work or not. Just a couple weeks ago, Dad was having trouble walking with a walker and assistance. So much so that the hospital no longer had Dad get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Fast forward to Tuesday at home: Dad is mostly getting around the house without a walker or assistance of any kind. In fact, when he does drag the walker along it is usually because he plans to sit on its bench seat when he gets to where he is going inside or out. He performed an hour of lower body exercise this morning and walked (with walker) to the end of the street and back. This afternoon he performed an hour of upper body exercise and stretched. He is pushing himself without overdoing it and it is quickly paying off with his physical strength coming back so quickly.
Dad’s overall food intake is starting to make me feel like I dont eat that much, and I do! He sees the direct correlation that increased calories has had on his recovery and he is pushing himself to make sure he is eating enough. If none of you have ever tried to gain weight, I assure you it is hard. Imagine how shrunken Dad’s stomach has gotten over the last few months only eating a few small portions or liquids only or even being NPO where he could not eat at all. Now think about the last meal you ate that made you feel so full and bloated that you didn’t even want to think about dessert. That is the stretched out feeling Dad gets, and then 2-3 hours later I smile and serve the next “snack.” Dad is taking it all in stride and pushing through. Despite having some swallowing issues in the hospital, the guy seems to have moved on and is actually eating around 2,000 calories a day! I track everything that goes in, weigh and measure, and dont include anything left on the plate. On top of that he gets 3 jars of Jevity/ Ensure (with a couple scoops of whey protein mixed in!) that gets pumped through his Peg Tube into his stomach overnight for an additional 1,135 calories. That puts him over 3,000 calories per day with today’s total being 3,700! Talk about a weight gain plan for Dad! While quantity is our first goal we will continue to include more and more whole foods as we emphasize quality and complete nutrition for all out healthy healing from the inside out.
Like I said, you all knew I was going to lead up to some emotional bonding and loving experience between a father and son, and somehow it had to relate to PB&J. Now, with some context, I hope it all makes sense. I hope the determination and drive Dad has is evident, because he is impressing me over and over with how hard he is working and how much progress he is making. So when I see him struggling all day to put down those last few bites of every meal, and his night time peg feeding has already been running for a few hours, then he catches me in the kitchen making a midnight PB&J and wants me to make him one too – I get teary over a sandwich.
We sat at the kitchen table in this house I grew up in and ate a PB&J together, as I am sure we have many times before. We talked about dove hunting and deep sea fishing and small chit chat, like so many times before. We celebrated his progress and I tried desperately to hold on to these moments, praying that there will be many more.
With hope, love, and tremendous excitement,
Richard
The Upside of Down - an update on hope, love, and oncology 
Inspiration and Kevin go together like PB&J. Richard, once more, a terrific recap!
Kevin, my friend of many years, I hope you take the time to reflect on the many comments listed because they are true testiment to the positive influence you have bestowed on others. Your progress continues to amaze but doesn’t surprise me.
Stay Harless Strong!
Jimmy D
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I’m so happy to see your dad progressing. Wish him well.
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just another example of the dawn breaking beautifully after the darkest night. Reminds me that Kevin never gets defeated and always finds a way to win, even in the worst odds. Kevin – keep on working because the strength of a thousand friends and family are with you. God is great and his plan for you continues.
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It’s been awhile since I have responded to a post…I read every one of them, and pray as the Spirit prompts me to think of you…but today I had to express how impressed I am with the strength of this family. Through your experience you are demonstrating how to really LIVE…we are all in some stage of “dying” and so few of us have learned what it means to relish the simplicity of a PB & J with someone we love. Praising God for your ability to eat and be “filled” with calories and and the Bread of Life!
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Just had a conversation with Mikey about PB&J sandwiches the other day! So many great memories of making, eating and sharing conversations with the kids. Still my favorite breakfast! Much symbolism in bread. Kevin is filled with the strength of the Holy Spirit in him as he is an example of God’s Bread/Word in his life to all of us who have the privilege to know him! So happy Kevin is home and gaining weight and strength each day!!
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“Harless Strong” that’s what I say… and yet the gentle love of a son as he fights this battle with you. Who would have thought PB&J would have been in your Arsenal.
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“Harless Strong” that’s what I say… and yet the gentle love of a son as he fights this battle with you. Who would have thought PB&J would have been in your Arsenal. I love what Helen said, “keep on working because the strength of a thousand friends and family are with you”. That we are, God’s strength and healing upon you and your family Kevin.
Love & Prayers,
The Patterson Family
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Awesome news! Keep on keeping on. Belief is one of the strongest tools we each have in our personal bag of go to’s. With faith much can be accomplished, and Kevin, you are living each day with faith, hope and God! So happy to hear you are flourishing and that things are turning around.
RIchard, as the mom of five I know the strength that can be drawn from my children. They encourage me, tell me when things might need to change but most of all I know that their love abounds all and gives me strength when I might need a kick in the pants. Keep being the young man you are and keep encouraging your dad to continue his journey to good health.
My best to your mom and prayers for her journey as your dad moves towards a more stable outlook.
Love and light,
Lisa
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It is so wonderful to hear of such good news! I know many of us are not surprised at how Kevin has come out on top. The power of hope, faith, love, family, friendship, God, and yes, PB&J are so inspiring. Kevin strong!!!! And yes, Happy Birthday Kevin! So glad you are home!
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It is so wonderful to see how positive things are going now that Kevin is HOME! Congratulations on every big step you all take in the journey of healing. You touch my heart with your beautiful sentiment, Richard. Kevin, you must be SO proud of the young men you raised. God bless you all… we are certainly with you in spirit and praise god’s grace and the progress you have made. Love to you all….
Michelle and Ben Hobson
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I am in tears at every read and this time they are happy! Im so glad your all back home after so long and no longer looking out of a hospital window. Give your Dad my love and tell him he’s in my constant prayers. ♥️ What a wonderful way to now think of something as simple as a pb&j!
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Kevin, You are an inspiration to all of us and I so admire the strength that comes forth from you and your wonderful family. Please know that you are all in our prayers every day. Love you. Margaret & Ray
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