This is The UPSIDE of Down. A blog created just over a year ago to keep so many friends and family up to date on Dad. There have been many truths and realities shared along the way, but the intent written into the name was to bring a focus back to the good, the love, the upside through all this down. There has been more down than was intended with this blog but today truly embodied the upside.
We gathered at Mom and Dads house to celebrate Dads brother Kurts birthday and Kurts daughter Saras birthday. We shared stories and fun memories, enjoyed the company of family, and of course – we had cake and ice cream! Though Dad has not been eating much and has been relying heavily on the TPN IV nutrition, he partook and enjoyed some wonderful cheese cake with a whole bowl of ice cream! We sang happy birthday and watched as cards and gifts were opened.
Each grandkid sat on Dads lap and spent some special one on one time with grandpa. I’m not sure what all was said, but he had kind words for each of them. Emily teared up, Jonathan just wiggled and smiled, and six month old Camden babbled and laughed at the dog. Then Dad, grandpa, had one more surprise for the kiddos. He wanted to pass down some .22 rifles and wanted to do so personally. He gathered the kids and one by one selected a specific gun for each child. He stressed the importance of gun safety and that the kids were to never touch the guns without their parents. He spoke fondly of the times we have all shot together, grandkids included, up at his cabin. (This refers to none other than the CKC cabin that we visited via helicopter recently which was a huge success and a major item on Dads check list – Thank you to all who came and made the trip up the hill so meaningful!)
So Dad passed down the .22 guns to each kid, with a story behind each one. The story that got me the most and seemed to choke up Dad a little as well was the one he gave to Jonathan. Papa Bruce, who passed away last month bought this Stevens Model 87 D .22 caliber long rifle when Dad was born and passed it down to him, Papa Bruce’s first born son, on Dads 50th birthday. This gun was worn with time, but Dad has carefully restored this rifle and it now stands with the beauty it surely had on the day is was purchased. Dad decided to pass this special gun down through me, his first born son, to Jonathan, my first born son. While each of these gifts to all the kids carried meaning, this specific one carried some additional emotion with it. Emotion that was evident on Dads face and in his voice as he spoke.
“It was a good day, we made some good memories.”
The kids were delighted and all took pictures with grandpa as they proudly held their rifles. This led to a string of more family photos and more stories. As Dad spoke with my wife Amanda, he mentioned, “It was a good day, we made some good memories.”
Indeed we made good memories today. Dad was in great spirits, pouring over with love. He gave extra long hugs as we ended the evening and said goodbye. It was a good day. There was nothing over the top, but as Tim Urban describes it, happiness is the joy you find on hundreds of forgettable Wednesdays. In our case it was a Sunday, but the point holds true. These times of simply sharing joy with those we love is what adds up to a lifetime of happiness. Dad is intentional with adding joy to his life right now and as a result is adding joy to all of ours.
I was recently reading a book, Option B, in which a valuable insight stuck with me. In the throes of loss and pain, a friend of the author shared his outlook with her: “A day of joy is fifteen minutes. A day of pain is fifteen years. No one pretends this is easy, but the job of life is to make this fifteen minutes into fifteen years and this fifteen years into fifteen minutes.”
Being intentional about focusing on the joy in our lives and embracing the love present all around us requires effort, but yields a great reward. I am thankful for the wonderful time we shared with Dad today. Thankful for the memories we created. Thankful to have such a wonderful person in my life, and to know that he cares so deeply for us all.
With Hope and Love,
Richard
The Upside of Down - an update on hope, love, and oncology 
Richard, thank you so much as always for sharing your closest family moments, and the emotions that accompany them, so that we can have a sense of being in the same room, of being with Kevin and of sharing his days even from afar. I was so filled with joy to hear about the trip to the cabin last weekend, and had fingers and toes crossed that it would be as perfect as it could be, and it sounds as if that came true. Two wonderful memory weekends in a row, I know you must store them up like diamonds. Love and care and support to you all,
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Richard, Thank you.
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Hello Richard,
Your eloquence with how you write about your father’s experience is so telling. I feel like I am with you and your dad. Thank you for sharing!
I am a friend of his from BD-CFN. We have been good friends since the day he arrived. The way you describe his approach to life is so similar to how he relates to people at work. He is consistent with the values that dictate how he approaches life. I cherish my friendship and continue to pray for him and the rest of your family. Please send my love and support. I look forward to more stories of happiness, perseverance and of the man we will continue to look up to as a model in many ways.
Warm wishes,
Jim
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Jim Dente
Director, National Specialty Accounts
MMS-Pyxis Dispensing & Alaris Infusion
Jim.Dente@bd.com
Boston, MA
c: 16178779500
f: 312.949.0632
bd.com
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Thank you Jim – it is amazing to hear from so many who have been impacted by Dad in such a positive way.
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Love, love and more love being sent your way. These memories of joy, love and happiness will help to overshadow the memories of loss and sadness, when the time comes. No gift greater than the gift of time.
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Awesome memories that are sure to be cherished.
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Beautifully written Richard… and a lifetime of memories created. Thank you for allowing all of us to share in your joy on this day!! It was especially exciting to hear how wonderful the trip to the cabin was for your dad. Continued prayers and love… RoseAnn & The Patterson Family
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Richard – Thank you for taking the time to share the story of your time together. Jim Dente is so right…this is how Kevin is in all he does. He continues to be an inspiration to all of us that have worked with him. I often think of Kevin. His fierceness gives me strengths and reminds me of the quote from Vivian Greene, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” Kevin is the ultimate dancer! You just gotta dance through it!
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