I kneeled for a long while at the foot of a borrowed bed tonight. The head elevated to alleviate nausea, the foot raised to alleviate swelling, a heating pad placed to alleviate discomfort, and a hand held to alleviate sorrow. Fleeting moments of connection and joy in the presence of love. Oppressing spans of pain and grief amidst stark reality. I yearn for one more day, one more experience, one more memory, as does he.
Just today I heard an idea that moments of joy, pure joy in all of its wonder and beauty, are merely a shadow, a glimpse of the eternal experience. Accepting this, embracing this, is soon to come.
For over a year, the rough waves have made it a struggle to breathe, to stay above water. Although this stormy water created a sense of being lost at sea, I find myself wishing the waves would continue a little longer as I watch them settle before me. Selfishly, I do not want these waves to cease altogether – though I know they inevitably will. I also know that this is for the best, the way it should be.
Two bad days a week turned into two good days a week which has turned into nearly two weeks without a good day. Dad continues to cough up more fluid than most can imagine and his stomach has become increasingly distended and firm. Discomfort and pain are a constant struggle, with nausea and vomiting for the last week serving only to compound the issue and prevent effective delivery of oral medications.
Mom is shouldering a tremendous weight as she draws medications, mixes them in IV bags and hangs a drip several times a day. She manages medications and an intricate calendar of family and friends who come to help and spend time with Dad. She has not only continued to be a wonderful loving wife, but still supports her boys and finds time to spoil her grandkids. Mom deserves so much praise and appreciation – she is truly amazing, selfless, and caring.
Recently, I have noticed more of these types of people in the world and it is inspiring. People genuinely caring about others and striving to make a difference. From those completely unconnected to this group, to those who are praying for Dad on a daily basis –some even in a different language who have never met him. It is this coming together, people supporting people; sometimes physically or financially, and sometimes simply supporting others emotionally, which can have the biggest impact of all. These experiences have further rooted my belief that this is a core purpose of life. I may have even read somewhere something about doing unto others…
As we look to the future, change is inevitable. Change is happening faster than we want it to right now, but it is coming regardless. And so, we must embrace it. Ecclesiastes strikes a chord with me and feels pertinent here. “Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life” (5:18 NLT). And so we continue to spend time as family, to join and give thanks, to embrace and cherish the good we have been given for the time we have been given it.
With hope and love,
Richard
The Upside of Down - an update on hope, love, and oncology 
I’m sure your parents are beyond proud of you Richard, as am I. I have a very sweet and poignant book that will be sent to you shortly. My hope is that it will give you and your family extra comfort in its reading! My heart aches for all of your family and my prayers will continue everyday! My love to you all!
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My love and support for your family. I am praying for you all. It is amazing how family, friends and even those you might not know very well all come together. Your family is a strong knit family. May God Bless you All. 🙏🏻💖
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Richard, your writing continues to be both beautiful and illuminating, accurately defining those emotions that many of us cannot define or express clearly. Your dad is a truly exceptional person and many of us count knowing him as one of the blessings we’ve received in life. As he approaches his eternal reward, I’m sure his light is shining bright, even through the pain and discomfort. I know I can even see it from here on the East Coast. My prayers continue for Kevin, may his suffering subside, and for your Mom, as I’m sure the challenge of care giving doesn’t hold a candle to the sadness in her heart. And for you, your siblings and children, as you struggle to accept the approaching inevitable. May God continue to bless you all. All my love to your dad.
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My heart is heavy as I know all to well the pain and heartache you as a family are going thru. My love and prayers continue for strength for all of you. Love to your family and especially your dad thru his journey.
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Hello Richard, You are truly a reflection of Kevin’s heart and soul. Your words come from the angels above who protect you and your family today, tomorrow and eternity. May you be blessed as you continue to support Kevin’s journey and always remember that you are not alone. Kevin is an inspiration to us all – his kind words, actions, and passion for living life to the fullest. Prayers are being sent your way – all shall be well.
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Hello Richard- This is so beautifully written. Losing those we love is never easy, but the best gifts are the time we can spend with them and say everything to them while they are with us. We are only here for a brief time and know that God has a plan for Kevin in heaven. My thoughts and prayers with your family during these days.
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You have moved me beyond words with your beautiful thoughts and writings Richard. My heart breaks, loves, feels joy and your pain throughout this journey. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers as it has been for the past year, upon hearing of your dad’s diagnosis.
Kevin, we are honored to call you our friend and neighbor. You have a beautiful family whom obviously loves and adores you, as do SO many of the people who know you. You love with an open heart and have impacted so many people; we are thankful our paths crossed. You are genuinely kind, fun loving, spiritual, steadfast, sincere and compassionate. We will always share the bond of parenthood, neighborhood, community, Ridge volleyball games, cars trucks/tires and wheels, but most of all friendship. Thank you for being our friend.
With love and adoration,
Michelle and Ben Hobson
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