Death is universal. It is something we will all experience with certainty. Socioeconomic factors don’t change it; gender, race, religion, nothing changes this fact. It is a part of the human experience. While we all face this same event, it is so completely different from other shared human experiences. We can experience childbirth multiple times and learn first hand from others and take their advice after they have gone through it. In fact, just about anything we are learning or going through has already been dealt with by someone else. Is there anything that we are not prepared for or cannot be prepared for? Our entire life is a series of events that someone is able to pass down advice on so we can avoid previously learned mistakes and seize previously identified opportunities. Death is different. We cannot obtain firsthand feedback and advice. We only have one chance to experience it; there are no do-overs, no evaluation and adjustment. Six Sigma has no impact on efficiencies or effectiveness. There is no process improvement. My mind ruminates on these thoughts as the overarching theme feels so pertinent.
Several months ago Dad committed to never going back on chemotherapy; with quality over quantity as a decision basis. A couple months passed and Dad then committed to never returning to the hospital; again, with quality over quantity in mind. This led to signing up for a palliative care program through Hospice of the Valley which provides support but lacks the full compliment of Hospice services while allowing patients to remain on some level of life support such as Dad’s TPN (IV nutrition). As mentioned in recent blog posts, both quality and quantity have been running short for Dad, though quality has been most measurable. Pain has been excruciating despite rather high levels of pain medication. Dad has noticed “changes” in his body and has been increasingly tired. The periods of enjoyable time interacting with friends and family without distracting pain, coughing, and vomiting, has all but ceased.
Today, Dad committed to embracing the end of his life with no further attempts to extend quantity based on his true lack of quality. This means that Dad is no longer taking daily medications or receiving IV nutrition. He has not been able to eat or drink for weeks as attempting to swallow medications with even the smallest amount of water has only made his experience worse, leading to more cramping, nausea, vomiting, and pain. This choice means Dad is now fully supported by all that Hospice of the Valley has to offer. He has a PCA (patient controlled analgesia) pump that delivers continuous pain medication with the ability to press a button and receive additional medication as needed. His comfort has improved, though lucidity has declined as a result.
This decision was a big step, a deliberate choice that was both inevitable and challenging to make. Though we all knew this was coming at some point soon, today’s choice made everything very “real.”
To any and all who wish to stop by and say one last goodbye, now is the time and per Dads request no one will be turned away.
One of the things I appreciate most about my Dad is the advice he offers. On par with most teenagers, there was I time that I did not value this advice and felt I did not need it. In time I realized how much I could improve outcomes by adhering to the words of someone who had already experienced what I was only preparing to. I owe much of the success I have had in life, love, and work to the wise words of my Dad.
I sit here now, having just tucked Dad into bed, wishing he could come back and give me advice on the dying experience I will surely one day face. I then wonder, at 31 years of age, what else have I yet to experience that Dad would have otherwise guided me on? How many more life choices would I have run past him in the coming years? What unspoken advice is still awaiting? We have talked on the phone most days for many years. It was a comforting habit, a daily vent session followed by words of encouragement, a daily bragging session followed by words of praise and excitement. We bounced countless things off each other, some little, some big. We are both better for it. We are both closer because of it. Why must I lose my most trusted advisor, my confidant, my friend? We are so similar in so many ways; as he dies, I feel a piece of me is dying too. I can’t watch him suffer any longer, but I am not ready to lose him.
Knowing how much Dad has impacted so many of you, I know many of you feel the same way. A large group of the family was here today reminiscing and sharing this journey which I hope many of you have been able to do through this blog. First Corinthians 12:26 says, “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” So let us all suffer this sorrow together and all rejoice in both the memory of and life to come for Dad.
One last request – If you think of a story or memory of Dad that is representative of who he is as a person, please share in the comments below. He is enjoying reliving memories, especially funny ones during periods of lucidity and it is helpful to spark the memory for him.
Thank you all for the continued love and support.
With hope and love,
Richard
The Upside of Down - an update on hope, love, and oncology 
Hang in there, Rich. You are a leader and your transparency helps more people than you know.
My older brother is headed down a very similar path. He’s been trying to qualify for different treatments but none seem to help and the tumors in his spine keep growing. He’s now talking about “pain management” so I think he may be near the end too.
Remember to let all the lessons learned from your Dad shine through in your life so his legacy lives on. He sounds like
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He sounds like an amazing dude! **
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I recently went to a Celebration of Life of a woman who changed my life by how she lived and loved The Lord. Many spoke and shared her life verses for living life for Christ. One that has held my attention and alleviates my fear of death and the unknown is Philippians 1:21 “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain”. 1 Thessalonians 4:14 “For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep”. We have been given this promise!!
There were several times when we lived down the street from your dad that he would take care of our dogs, Mitch and Toto! We would come home to happy pups and notes written by your dad as if the dogs wrote them!!! We got such a kick out of those notes and looked forward to them every time we went away!! Your dad treats everyone, even dogs, with the utmost love and respect, he truly lives as a man of God and I am sure by the way he lives he has brought many people to know Him.
We love you all💕
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I also wanted to share this beautiful song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YIb4NC5ikYo
Home by Chris Tomlin
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Richard – please tell your Dad that Keith & Mary Lynne Mekenney say HOLA from Pennsylvania! We are here visiting family and friends until Thursday, so will not be able to stop by. Give him an extra long hug from the both of us.
Will always remember Kevin’s XL smile every time I saw him at STM. Do not know of a single person who he could not or did not help and they were all thankful . . . even some of the most challenging! Finally, tell him that I still think the Indians should have beat the Cubs in Game 7. Glad I got the chance to watch that game with him!
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Richard, please tell your Dad and Mom hi and give them my love. I don’t think I have one favorite story with your Dad- everyone knows that every time your Dad would be at a customer meeting, NSM- or any area meeting- you Dad would keep us laughing- never a dull moment or quiet time!!! He even made the most difficult customer encounters fun. I really did like the Omnicell rap your Dad created and sang at one of our NSMs- again, always crazy times getting a laugh and a smile. As you noted in your message, we are all blessed to be part of his life. All my love and prayers are with you all.
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Mary, Richard, Jeremy and to all the rest of the family,
I wish you all my sincerest condolences. I praise your continued strength and perseverance. I have struggled over the last year not stopping by more often. I sit here now wanting to give you all the support you so deserve, but can barely get the words typed before I need to step away and compose myself.
I have had the pleasure to know Kevin for more than 22 years living just across the street. He has always been there with a welcome smile, cheerful story or ready to help with any task which may have come up. I believe my fondest memory is when the neighbors would gather in the driveway at night while the kids played. We’d swap stories and share our challenges, but all with glowing support for each other. Kevin was always the first to offer a lending hand without compromise and expect nothing in return.
Please continue to know that Lora and myself will always be here to help with whatever is needed. All our love and prayers.
Kevin
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One of my favorite Kevin quotes is “That’s why they call it baseball.” In the 2001 World Series, the D’backs were playing the Yankees and we were stuck in San Antonio for a trade show so instead of enjoying the games with his boys, Kevin was stuck with a bunch of middle-aged fat men (like me). I’ll never forget the pride in which he relayed a phone conversation he had with Jeremy following one of their losses. Jeremy had arranged a number of good look charms, tokens and rituals while watching the game and he relayed to Kevin how he did everything he could to avert the loss. Between that story, his little league coaching stories and the blow by blow description of your project rebuilding the Mustang, Kevin showed himself to be a true Dad’s Dad. He also taught me through his example that the strongest man in the midst of a storm was the calmest, not the most aggressive. I am so honored to be able to say that Kevin Harless is my friend. I love him like a brother.
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I really do not remember a time that I have not known Kevin. Growing up with Kevin was full of adventure. We had the usual spats that kids have, but always Kevin would come back and play some more. Use to say we were related because our dogs, Paco and Taco had puppies. LOL…. Remembering Kevin roaring down the street to Joe’s in the dune buggy and off they would go. So many great memories. I haven’t seen Kevin in many years, but I am sure he is a great man, a man with a deep heart, one who cares for others. I feel blessed to have been part of Kevin’s life as children and will always be honored to be his friend. Honored to be your friend Kevin. Love and Light, Lisa and family
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Kevin is full of love. A truly wonderful person.
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Kevin became my sales manager back in September of 2004 when I started my career with Pyxis. Through the nine years that we worked together he was first my manager, then mentor, a life coach, and now a dear friend. We spent hours…..days….over so many years traveling/driving the remote roads of Montana, Idaho, and Utah. You get to know the quality and character of a person when you spend time with someone like this. Kevin is one of the best of human souls that I know and it is a privilege that I can call him my friend and an honor that he considers me the same….Let me share with you what he expressed to me through so many of our conversations.
*He loves his wife
*He loves his two sons – your wives and is immensely proud of your accomplishments
*He loves his grandchildren and are his pride and joy
*He loves his parents – both sets…
*He enjoys his relationship with God, his church, and serving his fellow church members
*He just enjoyed life to the fullest
You asked for some fun memories:
*Fishing with the “rooster tail” lure in the rivers of Montana
*Getting flipped off by an 80 year old man for passing him on a rural highway
*Listening to the music/artist CD that Kevin put together for our long road trips
*Kevin telling me to slow down on long-sharp turn highway corners due to his equilibrium issues
*Sneaking into a VIP social/modeling/advertising event that was taking place on the rooftop of our hotel
*Kevin setting up the social/dance venue at our national sales meetings
*The orange patent leather shoes
*Fart app on his cell phone – first used on me as his business meeting roommate and then used on others
*Sharing in the stories of the cabin build in Crown King and all that went into it and what it represents
*Jewelry creating
*Pocket Knives
Kevin has and will continue to have such a positive impact on so many people’s lives……What a great life lived……
I know that I am a much better person for knowing Kevin…..Sending my love to Kevin and to you all.
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Richard, please tell your dad that when I reach the pearly gates I expect him to greet me in his orange patent leather shoes. They were perfect for him — when he wore them, he was a ray of sunshine from the top and the bottom. I will miss him terribly, especially when I get frustrated at work and he is not there to say what I’m thinking but oh so much more calmly, politely and succinctly than I would have said it. And for you, Richard, as another child that shared a tight bond with their dad and best friend until he left this earth, I can say that you’ll never stop missing him but you’ll never stop being thankful for the time spent in the company of such a remarkable gift. May God lift your burdens through these difficult last days.
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Richard I’m sorry to hear about the latest turn of events. He’s been on my mind a lot these past couple of weeks.
Your dads creativity was always an inspiration to me. Whether it was his Jewlery making, his outrageously fun presence or how he approached a complex, competitive deal, he did it with a passion that embodied his entire being. It wasn’t enough that he won, he wanted all of us to win.
Most of us only scrap the surface in life, your dad’s ran soul deep.
I’m so sorry that you and your family have to say goodbye.
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How does one possibly envelope a lifetime of fond memories of a man who has always been there for them? How does one articulate the value of a father figure who means so much to them?
I will do my best by writing a comment which does no justice to the man I call my Godfather.
From the time I was a boy, I’ve always looked up to my uncle Kevin. His stories and advice have helped mold me into the man I have become, which is a fraction of the man he is. From giving me my first taste of a cold beer, to saving my butt when I got lost in the desert while riding four wheelers and dirt bikes, to giving me financial advice, to literally getting me back on my feet during the most difficult time in my life, I can say that this man should go down in our family’s history as a true Patriarch.
Through watery eyes I write this, and with a lump in my throat I accept it. If there was a better way to express myself and my gratitude, I would gladly take that opportunity. Yet, as helpless as I have felt through this process, I know that our Heavenly King will follow through with His promise to a man who has truly done his work here on earth.
I love you all. No One Fights Alone.
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Richard
I am so glad I got a chance to come see my old boss. The best boss! I had the chance to tell him this and tell him as my manager he gave me advise and words of wisdom that helped me in my life. Your dad is such a wonderful person. I am going to miss him and am sad you all are experiencing this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.
Love, Dawn Foley
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